How falling in love with a married woman ruins your life

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Still hasn't and kids are 18 up. Sorry to be so blunt. By calling a stop to this, you will be changing your own big picture.

I do not feel I will have that with anyone else in my life. I dream about what it would be like to have him in my bed. And face the consequences.

How to Handle Loving and Dating a Married Man

You talk throughout the night and regrettably you have to wrap up your conversation as the party ends. You try to pry out some information about him, but talk around the water cooler begets the most terrible news. So what do we do when we fall in love with a married man? Do we start an affair or do we walk away and never know what may have been. There is so much information about how to be a successful mistress and how exciting all the sneaking around is, but no one ever mentions what happens after the fun and games are over. The best thing to do is to just walk away. I believe that when things are meant to be, they work out with ease. Well, I have a few reasons… actually I have many. There is no future for it Our affairs are doomed. Only 1 to 10% of men that have affairs leave their wives for their mistresses. Those are terrible odds! So just looking at those statistics, why would we even bother, looks like a sure way to court misery. Cheaters are going to cheat The basic rule has always been, if he cheats with us he will cheat on us. That old adage is now backed by science yay! A study by the University of South Alabama found that men that do leave their partners for their mistresses end up cheating on them as well. That is not comforting news. While all the while, we have to watch people walk by sharing that special intimacy, declaring their love for all to see. He is not going to leave her. His wife always comes first When she calls, he will leave us and go to her. When she needs him, he will support her. We come last because we have no legitimacy in comparison to a marriage. Did you know that when a man is having an affair, his sex drive revs up and he has more sex with his wife? Not logical, but it still hurts. Men cheat for sex Although women may cheat because we want an emotional connection, men tend to cheat for purely physical reasons. Admittedly, this makes me feel used. On the bright side, at least now we know. He is most likely just having a sexual adventure. Dr Susan Mandel, a family therapist, says that men cheat as a way of fixing their marriages. Men know that there is something wrong with their marriage. Is it really love? Call me naive, but I still believe that love should be that all-consuming desire that you feel for someone. Call me selfish, but I want it all, I want the hand holding, the nauseating displays of affection, the constant need to be near each other. I want the all-consuming honeymoon period. True meaning lies within actions. What has he done that shows us that he actually wants us and not an affair on the side? We decide who the one is: You and me. Anyone can cheat; the goal is to find someone that wants only you. But I really love him Some of us might already be in the middle of an affair and I would put forth the question, what do you want from your life? Is this what you want? If you want more and the answers to the other questions are no, then although it may hurt like a bad wax day, we have to leave. There will be tears and regrets, but we will finally come out of it on the other side, having learnt something valuable. We can beat the odds The thing is, even if we beat the odds of our affair lasting more than a year, we still have to deal with the fact that cheaters are going to cheat. So sure, we may have snagged our guy but now what? Do we constantly harass him about his whereabouts? Honestly, who wants to live that way? Just seems like a relationship not worth the hassle. How do I get over him? Spring clean This will be a long and bumpy journey, but we will get through this. The first thing we should do is to get rid of anything that reminds us of him, no excuses. We have to be honest with ourselves. We have to throw out all those gifts and keep sakes he gave us. Delete his number, defriend him on Facebook, unfollow him on twitter, delete his texts — just get rid of him. If we happen to work with him or our paths naturally cross, it will be harder. All we need to do is keep that contact at a minimum, just abruptly end the conversation and walk away. What do you want from life The best way to never have to go through the ordeal of an affair again, is to simply avoid them like the plague. To do that we have to evaluate what we want from life, what kind of a person do we want to be? Do we want to be strong and independent? Will we be the type of person that refuses to settle? Will we be the kind of person that has enough wisdom to stop this from happening again? What kind of morals will he have? What will his character be like? Or not, that could be your thing. All in all, the best way to avoid this ridiculous mess, no exaggeration, is to not involve ourselves to begin with. Comment below and let me know how your affair has turned out, do you think it was worth it? I look forward to hearing your opinions. Hello my name is Mary I have had a relationship with a married man for 10 years it has been good at times and not good at others times. I know sooner or later it will have to leave him. I told one person a friend of mine about this she no longer lives in Texas and she knows my whole story about this. This past year has been very hard. Help Hi Mary, I understand you as I am also having ann affair with a married man since 5 month and i feel i love him also, is hard to leave him, but just today when i said i was leaving a dream that i wish i never wake up. The onlyone who will be more heart if you stay, is yourself, sometimes we need to think in ourselfs. These situations can be tough. Just practise that for a little bit until it is bearable to even imagine leaving him. You deserve a happy, complete, and full life with someone! Wishing you infinite happiness, Mary Hello, I came across your article when trying to research what do I do now? I just had an affair with a married man? Mine has not lasted long but I feel myself hurting so much already. We met on the phone as he was my interviewer for a job. We hit it off and a few weeks went by and we talked again since I had some more questions about the company. That led to us emailing back and forth then texting for a couple weeks. We met for dinner and I hate to say it but it was perfect. We got along on all levels of humor, intellect, religion, etc. I felt like crap after we parted ways because I am a Christian girl who would never do such a thing. Its like I use his excuse for not being in love with his wife as my excuse. He married a girl he got pregnant when they met on spring break 17 yrs ago. Apparently even his brother has been on his case to end the marriage. We are completely honest with each other. And he said my call to her was the best thing that happened to him because he was miserable in the marriage. I believe in my heart of hearts that people cheat in order to get caught. And everything happens for a reason. We dated for 5 happy years after that, and I eventually left him. But now, I have done it again…in love with a married man but this time the man is a dad to several young children. After my last break up that angel nearly destroyed me , I did not want to commit to any relationship but as a woman, I have needs. I created a profile on AM and pretended to be married. I met two men, one is a very sweet and smart man. Great in bed, generous lover but we never kiss. I prefer it that way. He is romantic in choosing the location each time. He meet for drinks and hit the hotel, have an amazing time then finish the day with talking and site seeing. The other man I met, from the instant I laid eyes on him, I was hooked. I was immediately comfortable speaking, touching, caressing and kissing him. We talked about our situations he believes I am married and my husband is away at work. I wanted to meet for coffee and a conversation but something always came up. I started to be distance, not text him as much as I would but he caught on. I finally had to tell him about my emotional attachment towards him and told him about not being married at all. I told him that I could not be his lover any longer and he was not happy. He actually was hurt or mad….. I asked to meet so I can discuss my reason for cutting ties but he would not allow it due to his hurt. We are to finally meet tomorrow nite to have this chat. I have never felt such a connection with anyone like this before. Its not just the intimacy that is wonderful but how we talked and felt for each other. He did say that he too unexpectedly and inadvertently fell in love with me too. God I hate this…. I wish he was mine. Dating a married man is complete no. In the beginning everything seems to be quite rosy, however that is a false picture. Sooner or later he realizes that his kids and wife are everything for him and he did a mistake by proposing you. He will change for sure, and if you get too sentimental believe you me you will never be able to come out of this. I was obliterated and decided to call her and inform her, appears that he has been doing it a while…. Problem is our offices are opposite one another, so the first week was tough, I felt like I was not going to make it. I made an appointment to see my GP as I needed the support, she put me on some temporary anti depressants and something to help me sleep. Second week got easier, I found that writing him letters explaining my feelings helped — even though I never gave them to him. Next week will be week 3, I am sure that I will be over it by then. Even if you pretend that you are happy when you are dying inside, do it, the least attractive thing to these men is you running after them, pining for them, begging them and being a wreck…. It makes it easier for them to walk all over you and smile. Yes he goes back to his wife every night, accept it! Yes he is still having sex with her, you are a special sort of DUMB if you believe he is not! Yes he will jump sky high if she calls him, you know it you have seen him so it in your presence….. I was madly in love with this man, believed all the soulmate nonsense he fed me, the gifts were quite welcoming too and I believed that he does that because he loves me so much! But that is how they hook you and keep you, you need to close your eyes and cut the ties between you, delete the number even though you know it by heart, delete the messages, throw his clothes that are at your house in the trash, throw away the toothbrush the body cream, the deodorant that you smell and cry because it reminds you of him. This is my fault as I had misgivings as my wedding day loomed and in fact through the latter part of the courtship. I married more out of fear of being left aside but my now wife was and still is very nice but there are obvious problems but we learned to live with it. Anyway, a high school sweetheart messaged me on Skype after 30 year hiatus without communication. She was a girl I was very much in love with back then and I started to fall back in love after that initial communication. The relationship went on for a while to the point where I came ever so close to ending my marriage. She was upset but understanding, which made me fall in love even more…. All this came into consideration for the break up as I thought she was grasping at straws for security — turns out I was wrong about that. She now is in full time employment and owns a house that was inherited from the death of her parents not long ago. We resumed our relationship a few times, off and on over 5 years with a few months break in between. I still am in love with this woman…she is intelligent, attractive, very family oriented with strong ethics about life and work, 6 months older than me my wife is 8 years younger and the difference in maturity is obvious , the sexual encounters are passionate and wonderful, as has been the conversation and multiple texting, messaging, phone calls… but none of the movie watching or walking down the street holding hands which she has mentioned that she would so much want to do as described on the webpage, …and believe me I want to as well. Sometimes I wished she had knocked on the door and broke open the secret like she once threatened to do. But she said she would never do such a thing. The marriage has problems. That is a separate issue although and the affair is a symptom of that…. Mine is technically an affair. Still wrong, still immoral…and I feel like a dog for hurting one person, and having cheated on my wife whether for love or purely sexual satisfaction which it was not, wonderful though that was. But reading the article on this page, I thought my girlfriend had printed it out and recited it to me…. It would be much less difficult if the partner was a horrible person. There is very little love in the marriage but it is civil and and we look after each other and do quite a bit for each other. But I do love the girlfriend and she states that she would love to share her life with me but she needs to be the first choice. I have an affair for over 2 years and has been living home for one year.. I am well and confused as i have started to see someone else. He and his wife separated…they have kids together so he visit 3 times per year. We spend all of our time together everyday…. Hello My name is Sparkle, I am having a relationship with a married man for a little over two years. During this time we have lived home for one year and counting. He has two kids with his wife but they are not living together. He visits three times per year for the sake of his kids.. His wife knows about my relationship with him because she has been sending me emails stating that she does not hate me- i have never responded to any. Things have been pretty good with us until things went down hill after i cheated on him and told him after, hoping that he would leave but it was when he held on even more. He has also cheated, i went home a few times, saw condom pack in the bedroom, make up on his shirt, sanitary napkins in the bin, panty in his room while cleaning All of which i confronted him about. He claimed that those are his nieces own. Nevertheless, i give him the benefit of the doubt and let it go. His entire work place knows that i am his GF, i get to go almost anywhere with him, he shows alot of attention to me and my job, my career, my education, my family life. After i admit to him of what i did, he cried almost daily for over three weeks begging me not to leave although i was willing and prepared to walk out. My question is why does he still wants to continue? I had an affair for three months. He was in a long term and long distance relationship with his girlfriend. He went back home and I didnt know he got married. I only found out about it with his sister but we still continue the relationship. I find everything in this article spot on. We started to keep our relationship a secret.. I am glad I was able to end the relationship sooner because if it took longer.. We were friends but got closer. We did not expect that. The thought of us parting kills us both. How did you women find the strength to do it? How do you survive after this? How do you cope seeing them at work or in a social setting? Why am I not good enough for him? Iam a married women with a 6 yr old. I too have feeling for him.. I dont know to fullfill his choice or to just go on as like friends forever.. In tumultuous marriage for 40+ years and in sexless marriage. He died suddenly and the grief I felt was horrible. He just blurted out after an hour of connecting if I wanted to have an affair? He then french kissed me and we said our good byes. My husband was mostly a selfish lover but then stopped altogether 5 years ago. I started using a vibrator for release. Having sex 4 different times. Met at his house when his wife was out of state and had wonderful time. Altogether it was just short of 3 months. The last I heard from him was through a nice romantic email a day after he phoned me. He promised to call me 2 days later. All email and Facebook comments stopped, but he is still commenting on others FB posts. Why do people feel they can do that after sharing such intimacies? While reading this article every word hit the spot. We first me on one of my overseas trips, he was introduced to me by a friend. Given that, I was still very cautious because I knew he was married and had children and I always had my clear reservations about affairs with a married person. What made me throw my sentiments about ever being with a married man? I visit him in his country few times a year as Ours is a long distance relationship and given the challenges that usually come with with long distance relationships, try adding the potent ingredient of extra marital to it. From the beginning he always told me that for the sake of his children he will not divorce his wife and marry me. He said when the kids are grown and their college completed and they are settled in life then he can consider a divorce. About 5 years into our relationship, one day we were having an argument and suddenly the words came out of his mouth that he also still loves his wife. Well, that was a bitter poison pill to swollow and I choked. He obviously went out of his way after that to try to prove that he does love me a lot and as much as his wife but to this day he can never say that he loves me more than her. Subsequent to that, during one of my visits to him we got married obviously not legally but in a secret way and he made me swear that I would never tell anyone. I console myself by thinking that he has married me because he loves me and not just as a way to satisfy me and keep me happy. We have had our fair share of problems over the years but somehow we managed to always stay together. As much as I love him and I have literally sacrificed my own life to be with him, I have lost myself, my identity. So I just quietly endure. He will never leave his wife for you and in the odd case if he does, you will always have the insecure feeling of if he will cheat you too. His wife and children will always come first in every way. Your relationship will never be given the opportunity to blossom beautifully in the open. He will always keep you hidden like a shameful habit and if the relationship ever accidentally comes to light he will deny you and step away from you like the plague. If you are not a tough person that will certainly send you over the edge. I was on the edge, even contemplated suicide at one point but now for me sanity I simply endure quietly. I accept our relationship for what it is because I feel I would die without him in my life. I have basically given up my independence and surrendered at his feet. I pray that no other woman ends us living a life as mine. Thank you for taking the time to read my experience this is the only avenue for me to reveal my bleeding heart. I am in the exact same position. I wanted to be his one and only. He has proclaimed that he loved me more, but if that were true why are we not together? I feel stuck again. I need to respect his marriage his kids… where are my morals?! So girl Im right there with you, and I truly absolutely understand your pain!! I hope you find real happiness you deserve it!! Reading these posts helps so much. He mentioned he was separated and although I felt trepidation I accepted his invitation to meet again. I always think with my head and on this occasion I allowed myself to go with my heart. Everyone was always telling me going with my head was where I was going wrong with trying to find a long lasting relationship, so I followed my heart. He was adorable, the love making was amazing as was everything else. We were having so much time together when out of the blue he let me know that he needed to try again with his wife because he missed his 4 girls so I let him go although my heart broke, it was so unexpected. After 3 weeks he contacted me again and soon enough we were seeing each often and had sleep overs. I was happy and I thought he was too. After 5 months he again said he wanted to try and save his marriage so I had to let him go. That was 3 weeks ago, we are not having any contact but I miss him so much. Good luck finding your strength ladies, we deserve to be loved. We have our up and down but we are happy together. However, a year ago I got to know a married man and I believe I felt in love. However, I am always a very strong and independent, self-confidence, attractive woman. He also really attracted to me and he has told me he had affair before years ago. He had been married for a long time. After reading this article, I know I never intend to cheat on my boyfriend and or sleep with this married man ever. I try to cut him off for sure, although, he also made it difficult for me because he does not let me go yet…. So I will try to keep on fighting this battle and even after a year I get stronger and stronger and I believe that I will win this battle. One thing I know that walking away from this and I feel good that he will respect me forever and that he said I he had never met anyone like me — of course — because the majority of us will surrender with the power of love. Thank you very much for your article. This post was just what I needed. I am ashamed and disappointed in myself but I am learning to move past the affair. Last night I left, again, with the intentions of ending things, and woke up to a message from him stating that he finally understands that this can no longer go on. I know that the healing will eventually feel like heaven. I know that guy you met! Charming, handsome, almost like…a therapist. Take that man whose children I raised while he achieved his degree and I stupidly thought I could ride on the shirt tails of. Take his stupid narcissistic spending sprees while telling his wife and children there is no money for this or that. Take that handsome charming man who is actually a very negative cog in the wheel. Take his insane debt, his gas lighting and his self inflated ego that led him to think he deserves to have an affair because all his wife doae is complain about the above. What a wretch she is. This will go on for months…. Suddenly you will realize many things that I did. After you have had enough of his shit he will try and come back to me…the only one who really loved him. I know what I should to do.. Or are you scared to be happy? Thank you all for sharing your stories. He pursued me for a year when we worked together. Finally i left my fiance of 11 years and gave myself to this other man. His uncle was my boss, his sister was my employee and due to a language barrier he translated for us. I fell head over heals because we are so alike. We share the same struggles, carry the same baggage, want the same things in the future and we both are strong and charismatic. He was and still is everything to me. He doesnt live with his wife so we spent every night together for a year. We kept the affair a secret from my boss and his wife but he introduced me to all of his friends and his brothers, his 7 year old daughter, and even told his mom about me. We spent so much time together that it felt wierd when we werent together. He never said he would leave her. He did say he wouldnt leave her. I guess that he believed in marriage but not monogamy. It dosnt matter what he said because my heart is with him. We are more than compatable, we are soul mates. I couldnt go to his birthday party because she was there. I told him that i need to move on and he was okay with it but he continued to call, come to my office, text and email, he even asks my friends about me. I ache for his touch. I cry every day because i miss him. I told him that i am seeing someone else who wants to marry me which is true but i cant stop missing him. I am so confused and afraid that i have ruined my life forever with this stupid affair. Is that any way to live? That is the question that i cant answer Going on three years of ups and downs for me. We are both married. We both have kids. I know that I could seem myself continuing this cycle because I love him… But I hate the feeling of being less important than her and never chosen first. God, it hurts so bad. Wow truely an eye opener for real this time. Thank you are for sharing. I read this article thoroughly numerous times again.. Im ready to accept what my part.. Instant mutual attraction, allure, good flowing conversation.. I was dumbfounded but kept persuing him.. To fill a need…void we both had.. They were married 6 months when she walked away from marriage?? He told divorce lawyer not send her papers. She lived in VA. Us both in Pa. It abruptly ended with Janet …his exstranged wife. Lawyer sent papers by mistake or that is what Steve told me. We did not talk for 5 months.. I was simply was seeking an Awesome boyfriend. He has been remarried on a big rebound. Claims it was good first 3 months.. I was baffled hurt. We started texting, talking.. They agrue disagree alot.. We were so limited.. Why I now ask myself did I allow myself to become so emotionally and physically caught up with this man. Over course of 4 years we told each other feelings grew, a bond, a good friendship. We texted all the time.. I know he cares for me. I recently told him I feel in love …with him. I tried to meet. Connect with other men. Was I need, insecure. Or lots hopeful wishful thinking that he leave his current Wife. Things were nice good between him and me inspite of the restrictions, limits. I know now fully he has issues…quickly committing to wrong kinds women. He thinks he can fix them. I feel now sad for him. He has told me consistently all the things wrong bad in their marriage. He needs continue in maybe false hopes things with the wife will change get better right. But I now know I need let him go. Our involvement no long right or feels good or for me. A stronger women Ive become since being involved with a married man. Im fully aware and know what I want.. Hurts like crap I truely care for my married man. Wished for a real chance.. I must allow myself to heal now. Let him go…NO going back. We had sex once this year. We both finally agree it has been not right to had an affair. He wants stay just friends.. Not sure I want to or can do that. Thanks for sharing and reading. I needed to write I know you all can relate. Prayers for you all and me. And our married person. I see I mainly hurt myself. Meanwhile learning to be fine and happy alone.

I know that I should end it, but this is a huge challenge. My guess is the children somewhere in the back of their hearts know that their father is a controlling and unhappy man. He guides mesupports me gives me good advices and looks out for me. Google Maps Some articles have Google Maps embedded in them. All the stuff I now realise I never had. Our love for each other stayed strong, but the relationship had collapsed. What do you want to be remembered for. We were both married at this point. You may realize that you have no claim legally or financially, but you would think there'd be an emotional attachment or u between you and your lover. In the eyes of outsiders and the law, our love was fraudulent — non-existent, even. Society has failed to help marriages succeed.